Poem on finding out you have cancer

I wrote this when I found out I had cancer, it is a window into my world at this time. I share it now so you can understand the feelings that we go through, those of us unfortunate enough to hear those dreadful words, "yes, you have cancer".

Past tree lined streets and moonlight ways I drive, still as the night while all the world scrolls past in a dream, like a film, with me in the centre

I do not want to arrive, for then I have to talk, to explain, and then will come the tears, the fears and all that follows. I want to stay in the car for ever, just driving from the doctors to my home and back again, never arriving

I pass the familiar streets, turn familiar corners and hurry home as I’ve done a thousand times before, I don’t want to arrive, to shut the engine down and sit in silence

This time I wish I could drive for ever more, from the doctors to my home, this time I do not want to arrive. To see the lighted windows, feel the warm wind as I walk up the path; hear the chattering of my children, the sudden laughter, and the dog barking as she knows I am home. The cat will rub against my leg; my wife will hug me with a smile, and look deep into my eyes to search for truth which I do not want to give her.